Trying Again Anyway

It’s been about a month since I last wrote here.

This is a pattern for me. I start something with gusto, then it fizzles out. When I don’t see instant “success,” I lose interest.

But writing is something I’ve always loved. I don’t want to give up on this. I want to keep going. Even if what I write isn’t perfect, it’s a healthy outlet; and my hope is that in sharing my messy story, someone else might feel a little less alone.

As a lifelong perfectionist, this has always been a challenge. I’m learning to let go of the idea that I have to be perfect to be worthy. I’m starting to look at my past and ask: Where has all that people-pleasing really gotten me?

It feels unfamiliar, even uncomfortable, but I’m working on putting myself first. As a mother, that’s incredibly difficult; but I’m realizing that when I’m well, I’m a better mom.

I want to teach my daughter never to shrink herself. That she’s not here to please everyone. I want to do this work now so that maybe—just maybe—her mental load will be a little lighter.

xx